Write On: ACA project

UPDATED:10/6/14

I'm horrible when it comes to sitting down, and just writing. I have ideas, but my problem is putting those ideas into action. I can get as far as the outline for the story, and then everything else just comes to a stand still, I draw a blank. It sucks because I know if I can get pass this maybe it will become easier. These are stories I really believe in, and I want more than anything to finish them. Heck I'd even be happy if I could get half way.

Here is a little bit of what I started

It’s funny how when I was little I wanted to be anyone, but who I was, and now….well…… I wish I could just be me…night and day.

For someone who grew up an only child I find it difficult to share. I mean come on this shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. Only children are notorious for being brats right? So the moment I lost my parents to a “drunk driver”, and I got thrust into the system I lost that only child status. I mean technically I was alone, and an only, but I had brothers and sisters in each home I was put into. I tried not to get attached, I tried to be neutral, I tried to be distant, and I tried a whole lot of other things that pissed off my fosters, and in the end it’s those qualities among others that molded me into this person I am today.

I’m Fia, short for well...we will get to that a bit later. Just know that everything has a reason in my life. Sometimes it’s not always straightforward because that’d just be too damn easy. Believe me when I say my life was anything but easy.  At age 5, I had lost my dad  to what the police were calling a drunk driver. Three years later I lost my mom to what the police called a home invasion gone wrong. How does a home invasion go wrong? Someone is invading your home! That in itself is wrong. It went from bad to worse when the intruders realized they weren't alone, and my mother tried to fight. Before stepping out to fight for our home mom told me two things. Two things that before now never made sense to me. Looking at me with those eyes that knew her time was up she whispered, "Fia if you remember anything that I tell you let it be these two things. 1. No one is really who they say they are, everyone lives other lives and 2. When you sleep you live." 

Writing

Are you looking for writing that I've done, or are you just trying to find some helpful sites on writing? Well look no further.

Works in Progress

These will be writing that I'm currently working on by myself, or with a friend.

Helpful Sites

Are you needing help finding something out about writing? Take a look here.

Writing; On my poetry and other things

I haven't written any kind of poems/poetry lately because I guess I haven't been inspired. When I would write poems it was because my life felt like it was in a downward spiral, and it wasn't looking up. Now I realize that's probably a little dramatic, but my pre-teen/teenage years sucked. I'm not here to bore you with those stories. It's was just a little history. Those were probably some of my most depressing writings I'd ever done. I'm talking suicide, cutting, and a bunch of other things. I think I knew in the back of my mind that I wouldn't actually do anything, but it helped to write it out. If you've ever been depressed, or had that worthless feeling then maybe you know what I'm talking about. I don't know.

When I write it's something that's very, very personal to me. My poetry is an opening to my soul, it's an opening to how I perceive things. If it's something I'm afraid to say to someone, or out aloud I write it. It doesn't always make sense to me, but then again not everything has to I guess.

With that being said here's something I wrote last night.
It's not titled yet because I couldn't think of anything. Suggestions?

My heart is not an easy thing to open up

Trust, respect, and love

Those are things that are earned

and that's something you'll have to learn
It's a process for me,

It doesn't happen overnight

and if it's something you want

then just keep up the fight

Love me for who I am

the good times and the bad

there's time when I'll be happy 

and times when I'll be sad

and then those times in between

when nothing seems to go right

and all I wanna do is give up the fight
Those are the days I'll need you
to help me understand

That everything will be better

if we walk hand in hand.

I wrote this last night after I had this crying spell. I'm not sure what triggered it if anything. I have moments where everything is fine, and then the tears just come out. Not many people understand that if it happens I'll get over it. They think it's something they did, and feel horrible because last night coming back from a meeting at work, Ryan was bringing me home and something in me decided that I was unhappy or mad or whatever when i really wasn't. I tried so hard not to let it happen to keep it hidden until I got home and he wouldn't notice, but I failed. I think we stayed out in his car a good 20 minutes. I was like just go see your friends like you were going to, and I'll be fine.Trust me it's nothing you did and it'll go away. That so did not work, and I admit I love him for caring so much, knowing that he wants to make things better for me, and knowing that he would drop whatever to try and comfort me, but I guess I also don't want to be that girl that keeps him from being with his friends and living his life. I don't know. We sat in the apartment for at least and hour and a half  after that me crying pathetically and him with this look of I wish I could make it better ( at least that's what my thought was. It could have been what the hell have I gotten myself in too) Anyways, that's what inspired this poem I guess you could say. He's only ever seen the side of me thats happy, and not in that sad place that I sometimes fall into.

Dr. Reed Castle POV

Here's a little bit more of our writing. If it doesn't make any sense here's the first part Brylynn's View

In the short time I have been working at S.M.R. I have seen my share of deaths, maybe more than one person should, but I knew it would happen going into this field. Also, by doing so I knew that I could help those others deemed as “unworthy.” The little blonde girl in room 102 is one of my latest patients. Like all the other younger patients, I have high hopes that she will pull through the treatment. As most of our younger vampires frequently do.


This is something Dr. Sizemore and I have been working on. We are trying to understand why the serum seems to take easier with younger vampire blood. Sadly, this case took a turn for the worse. As Dr. Sizemore studies the young vampire, he has the look I know all too well. As much as he wants the girl to live, we both know it isn’t going to happen. The serum and sedative has done more damage to the girls body than good. But the good ‘ole Dr won’t give up, he’ll try anything to “save” the girl if it means giving this child her life back and a child back to her parents.

A few poems (my writing)

My review brain is on hiatus right now do to stress, and what not (see earlier post to know) At least, I think that's what I'm going to call it. I just can't get into review mode. *sigh* Sorry! SO (I love my so word) with that being said here are a few poems I wrote back in '00 according to the dates. That kind of some me up right now. Oh, FYI I tend to rhyme my stuff, and it's kind of corny. *shrugs*

I go through life.
I go through life
thinking you're not there
I go through life
thinking you don't care
I go through life
thinking it's not fair
this pain I can no longer bear
Yeah my life is great it's true
then why do I always feel blue
I'm now scared of what I see
this can't possibly be the real me
As I've said, everyday's the same
there will never be anyone to blame
Days go by as iff they were years
every minute I try an keep back each tear. 6-17-2000

Death wish
Which way should I go?
I just don't know
Everyday I cry inside
I can no longer deny
Everyday I just cry
No longer do I want to live a lie
Death seems like an easy way out
There is no doubt
Yes, it's forever why would I care
This pain inside I can't seem to bear
I've tried so hard to be strong
bu no longer do I can I go on
My life is worthless, it's plain to see
I'm a failure, a mistake, a screwup, that's me 7-1-00

She's So Unusual
She's so unusual
she no longer
the same
everythings different
she has herself
to blame
she's just
not herself
in her
own world
she lives
sad and alone
she has
nothing to give
her days
have darkened
her nights
have grown cold
there's no one around
there's no one to hold
she keeps
to herself
it's better
that way
no one to bother her
that's all she'll say -2005

Untitled
We never use to fight
everything between us
was always alright
I miss the times
we use to share
the way you were
always there...
What happened
to those times
I wish I could
just press rewind
I don't want
to lose you as a friend
I don't want
this friendship to end -3-31-07

Tragic I know, Trainwreck definitely! I actually have a spiral full of stuff like this, and one day maybe I'll put them up on my other blog.