RIP Toby (I LOVE you)

Well, the past week or 2 has been some of the worse weeks this year for me. Today, though was THE WORSE I had noticed a few days ago that my dog was missing and I thought he had jumped out a window or something. Not something I want to talk about now, but FYI he passed away. I have this feeling  that maybe his seizures he had a few months ago have something to do with it. It's weird though I found out today, and last night I had a dream that he was alive. I was playing with him, and he was happy, fine. Some dream that turned out to be.

My Toby and I. I LOVE YOU!

Toby

I hope Heaven is good to you!

Maybe by Sick Puppies-
Maybe I'm a dreamer
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should
Maybe I'm crazy
(Maybe I'm crazy)
Maybe I'm the only one
(Maybe I'm the only one)
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

Maybe it's hopeless
(Maybe it's hopeless)
Maybe I should just give up
(Maybe I should just give up)
What if I can't trust myself?
What if I just need some help?

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try

And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

I heard this song the other day, and it fit perfect with the way my mood has been lately, and what with all the shit Ive been going through . Maybe, a change wouldn't be so bad. California sounds like a really good place to go right now. I have a friend that lives there whose been trying her hardest to get me to live with her. It would definitely be a change. Who knows maybe for the better?

Ashley

A few poems (my writing)

My review brain is on hiatus right now do to stress, and what not (see earlier post to know) At least, I think that's what I'm going to call it. I just can't get into review mode. *sigh* Sorry! SO (I love my so word) with that being said here are a few poems I wrote back in '00 according to the dates. That kind of some me up right now. Oh, FYI I tend to rhyme my stuff, and it's kind of corny. *shrugs*

I go through life.
I go through life
thinking you're not there
I go through life
thinking you don't care
I go through life
thinking it's not fair
this pain I can no longer bear
Yeah my life is great it's true
then why do I always feel blue
I'm now scared of what I see
this can't possibly be the real me
As I've said, everyday's the same
there will never be anyone to blame
Days go by as iff they were years
every minute I try an keep back each tear. 6-17-2000

Death wish
Which way should I go?
I just don't know
Everyday I cry inside
I can no longer deny
Everyday I just cry
No longer do I want to live a lie
Death seems like an easy way out
There is no doubt
Yes, it's forever why would I care
This pain inside I can't seem to bear
I've tried so hard to be strong
bu no longer do I can I go on
My life is worthless, it's plain to see
I'm a failure, a mistake, a screwup, that's me 7-1-00

She's So Unusual
She's so unusual
she no longer
the same
everythings different
she has herself
to blame
she's just
not herself
in her
own world
she lives
sad and alone
she has
nothing to give
her days
have darkened
her nights
have grown cold
there's no one around
there's no one to hold
she keeps
to herself
it's better
that way
no one to bother her
that's all she'll say -2005

Untitled
We never use to fight
everything between us
was always alright
I miss the times
we use to share
the way you were
always there...
What happened
to those times
I wish I could
just press rewind
I don't want
to lose you as a friend
I don't want
this friendship to end -3-31-07

Tragic I know, Trainwreck definitely! I actually have a spiral full of stuff like this, and one day maybe I'll put them up on my other blog.

In A Heartbeat Review

AUTHOR: Loretta Ellsworth
PUBLISHER: Walker
PAGES: 212
SERIES/STANDALONE: Stand Alone

OUTLINE: Explores the ties of family and the weight of regret when a mistake costs Eagan her life during a figure-skating competition. Left in the afterlife, reflecting on what she could have done differently, Eagan's still-beating heart is given to Amelia who has been waiting patiently for a transplant. When their thought, feelings, and dreams begin to mysteriously overlap, Amelia knows she must search for Eagan's family and find a way to give them all the closure they need move on.

STARTED: 11-29-10
FINISHED: 12-10-10 (I had to read last sacrifice in bewteen)


MY THOUGHTS:
I picked up this book because the the back of it just sounded intriguing to me. Having gone through somewhat of a heart surgery myself when I was 6 I thought maybe I could relate to it. I mean in this story Amelia, the heart transplant patient, actually goes through a transplant because she has congestive heart failure. ( it was an aeorta valve in my heart that needed fixing is all) Still I felt like I could understand her somewhat. The book is told in two POV's, Amelia (a heart transplant patient)and Eagan (an ice skater, donor), Apparently I have a thing for books being told in different POVs lately. Hum. This was actually quite an easy read and you could follow along real well.

The begining of the book starts off for Amelia where the get a call. Once she gets the transplant she starts to notice that things she does aren't exactly the old her. She takes on the characteristics of her donor like eating grape lollipops (which she hated before), talking back to her parents,and a what seemed like a love for athletics. She met another heart transplant patient and his older brother. (which she became friends with. The older brother.) After having those things happen to her Ari and her set out to find her donors family. what happens when she does. You'll have to read it and see.

Eagan is the other POV in the story she is the ice skater, who lived her life very pessimisticly (word?). She bought tons of bottle water, granola bars, and batteries with her birthday money thinking that the world might end. Little did she know it would only end for her. During a skating routine she twisted the wrong way and ended up hitting her head on the side. When she came to she was in a gray mist. The in-betwen. This is where she stayed  pretty much throughout the whole book, and only was in half way through the book did she finally have someone to talk to who she called Miki, a little girl. The begining of her chapters are of her telling about the mist and stuff, and then she immediately goes into one of her memories that relates to what she talks about. (Kind of confusing)

I think is definitely worth a read, or you want something a little different n the paranormal. :)


QUOTES:
-Half an inch. It's enough too cause dreams to fall apart..enough to make the difference between life and death. (Eagan)
-It's ironic that when I was alive all I thought about was death, and now all I can think about is my life (Eagan)
-Don't put it on to thick (E's Grandpa)
I'm not an old man. I'm doing it just right. (Eagan)
Our first project, maybe our last young lady. (E's Grandpa)
-They're praying for you. Here, on Earth. Do you feel it? (Miki)
Is that was this feeling is? I thought it was gas. (Eagan)
-Life. It's being able to use all your wood, not just the good,straight pieces. (Eagan's Grandpa)
-Ameliastein. Part me and part gross experiment. (Amelia)
So do you have any other borrowed body parts besides the heart? (Ari)
Nope not yet. (Amelia)
Then your not Ameliastien. (Ari)
-

Have any of you read the book. If so tell me what you thought.

I Heart You You Haunt Me Review

AUTHOR: Lisa Schroeder
PUBLISHER:  Simon Pulse
PAGES: 227
SERIES/STAND ALONE: Stand Alone

OUTLINE: Girl meets boy.

Girl loses boy.

Girl gets boy back...

...sort of.

Ava can't see him or touch him, unless she's dreaming. She can't hear his voice, except for the faint whispers in her mind. Most would think she's crazy, but she knows he's here.

Jackson. The boy Ava thought she'd spend the rest of her life with. He's back from the dead, as proof that love truly knows no bounds.

STARTED: 11-07-2010
FINISHED: 11-10-2010

MY THOUGHTS:
Bought at HPB

FYI- I love the book cover.

The story starts off with Ava at Jackson's funeral, and continues on with her fighting her guilt with what happened to him. Then she starts to notice a presence, things happen around her at her house like the music player turns on, candles flicker, cabinets open, the smell of sandlewood cream. At times it seems like he's actually a real person and not ghost with the tantrums he throws, the way he gets jealous, and being overprotective. A little creepy for a ghost right?
I just finished this book, and I have to admit at first I didn't think I would like it because it was written in versus. I actually had never seen a book written in poem like form (no rhyming involved though) beause it was written like that I looked over it at the bookstore, but everytime I went back there it was. I finally decided I would get it because I had seen good reviews about it. I'm very glad I did. It was beautifully written. I loved the way it just went together. Sorry can't think of a word for that. It's a good book to show how someone can hold on to something that's no longer there, and feel the guilt. It's about how to let go of that person/guilt and move on because holding on to it doesn't make life any easier and it won't bring them back.

I liked Ava as a character I had that kind of connection with the character that's good to have because it makes you understand them and to feel what they're feeling. I wasn't thrilled with her ex-boyfriend I didn't really see any point in him being it, but that's just me. I did however, like the other boy that showed up during it Lyric (I like that for a name). You'll have to read to find out about him. Then there were Ava's friends Jessa, Zoe, and Cal. I figured as friends they would've tried being there a little more for her even if she didn't want them.

One thing that I was a little disappointed about was how long it took for us to find out what happened to Jackson.  All we know is that Ava thinks it was her fault, but we don't know why she thinks that until almost the end. I guess I just like to know things sooner, but that just makes you want to read it quicker.

I'm definitely going to get some more books from this author. I actually watched a book trailer fan made for Chasing Brooklyn. It sounded like a good book.

QUOTES:
- Alone we were good, together we were fantastic (Ava)
- As we pull away, my eyes stay glued to the casket. It's proof that sometimes life does not go on. (Ava) 
- If I sacrifice my heart for Jackson, will I be dead too? (Ava)
- Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real. (Nick)

Well that is my diagnosis. Let me know what you think.

If I Stay Review

AUTHOR: Gayle Forman
PUBLISHER: Penguin Young Readers
PAGES: 288
STANDALONE/SERIES: Series (Book 2 is titled Where she went)

OUTLINE: What if you had everything:

A gorgeous boyfriend who was madly in love with you?
Quirky hip parents who totally got you?
A musical talent that could take you anywhere?
What if your biggest problem in life was choosing which path to take?
Follow your first love--music-- to New York City?
Or stay with your boyfriend, friends, and family?

STARTED:  End of October
FINISHED: 11-7-10

MY OVERVIEW;
The story is about Mia who seems to have an awesome family a younger brother and both parents. Yes it's a story with both parents in it, and they're both equally involved.  Although they die early on Mia has flashbacks to when they were alive. Making them a big part of the book I think. Also in the story are Mia's boyfriend, Adam and her best friend, Kim. Among others are her grandparents/family and friends of her parents.

If I Stay starts off with Mia's family waking up to find it snowing and schools canceled. They decide that it would be nice to go and visit Mia's grandparents. That is when the wreck happens. That is when this family's lives change forever. Mia wakes up in a ditch thinking everything is fine, but as she comes up from the bankment and sees her parents lying on the ground she realizes it's not all ok. She goes to find her brother Teddy and finds much more in the way of the car like herself. How could that be, she was standing there and she seemed fine. Her first thoughts are am I dead. Which she already knows the answer too. From then on she's in the hospital wondering the halls watching and listening to everyone: the nurses, doctors, her family, her friends. All while having flashbacks of happier times.

MY THOUGHTS:
This is kind of a hard review for me to write. I'm not sure why exactly I think it's just that this book really does bring out alot of emotions in people. It makes you stop and think, what if something like this happened to me, or to someone I cared deeply about. How would I react in that situation? Honestly I don't think I'd know. Just the first couple of pages that described what happened and everything is surreal. The whole book takes course in a 24 hour period so it's not really a chapter book. It's kind like a diaryof that day. It had time frames that broke it down, and then if didn't have a time over it. It was Mia's flashbacks.

I loved this book it had so many "make me wanna cry parts in it."There's one part where Mia's grandpa goes into her hospital room and talks to her, telling her it's ok to let go. *He looks like he's about to leave, but then he doubles back to my bedside, bends so that his face is level with my ear, and whisper in to it. It's okay, he tells me. If you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. But that's what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It's okay if you have to leave us.  It's okay if you want to stop fighting. (Grandpa) This was the first time today that anyone has acknowledged what I have lost. (Mia)*  I'm telling you just typing that little bit made my eyes tear up.I mean how hard would that be to tell someone you loved that it's ok to move on to somewhere better. That you understand it's their choice. I also loved the realtionship between Mia and Adam when she flashbacks to it. Even though their different except for their love of music. Adam genuiely cares about her, and that shows up numerous times.

There were a few things at first I thought I wouldn't like. The whole flipping from the hospital back to older memories would usually annoy me. I'm not really a fan of that kind of thing, but it worked well for me in this book because it showed us Mia's feelings towards her family that's no longer alive. It showed us the kind of interaction that they normally would of had. It let's us see her realtionship with Adam. Mia's fondness of her little brother, and a little bit of her friendship with Kim.

Also it kind of reminded me of the movie Awake. The whole out of body experience and being able to see yourself lying there and then walking around the hospital ghostly like. Not the surgery and backstabbing parts. That's just me though.

The ending could have used more I think I wasn't thrilled with it. I would have like to known a little bit more of what happened afterwards. There is another book coming which is set 3 years after the accident so will see. :0)

MEMORABLE QUOTES:

-But the you who you are tonight is the same you I was in love with yesterday, the same you I'll be in love with tomorrow. I love that your fragile , tough, quiet, and kick-ass. (Adam to Mia)

-If you turn into one of those girls, I'll shoot you (Kim)
If I turn into one of those girls, I'll hand you the gun (Mia) (Talking about the kind of girls that talk boyfriends nonstop)

-Adam eyed me with furrowed brows, like I was a math problem on a black board that he was trying to figure out (Mia)

-Whoever decides these matters, when the decider is too confused to choose between the elevator and the stairs. (Mia)

-I'm not sure this is a world I want to live in anymore. I'm not sure that I want to wake up. (Mia)

-I just think that funerals are alot like death itself. You can have you wishes, your plans, but at the end of the day it's out of your control (Mia's dad)

BOOK TRAILER:

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Sorry this review was a little longer than anticipated, but that's what a good book does to me. Tell me what you think about the review, or the book if you've read it. Leave some comments.