I found this while scrolling through my facebook page. I have to admit I'm actually quite a few of these. Which ones are you?
I would say I am:
A book-buster
Delayed onset reader #1
The Multi-tasker
The Hate Reader. Oh, you. You pretend to be curmudgeonly, you do, but you really just devour the reading you do in a different way.
You're loving it nearly as much as you're hating it, and maybe then some,
even as you complain the author can't put two sentences together
properly or that the book is dragging hopelessly in the middle and what
kind of plot twist is that, even? An elephant in Act 3? These characters
are so poorly drawn as to be comical! You call that a conclusion?
Vampires, really? If you are a hate reader you will finish each hate
read down to its very last word, and you may well close the covers and
toss the volume across the room, but you will do it with a great, secret
frisson of satisfaction because it feels so good. You may be an
aspiring, disgruntled novelist yourself.
Suggested hate reads: Twilight; Fifty Shades of Grey; any much-celebrated novelist's latest offering that's bound to be arguably less than all the hype.
The Chronological Reader. Slow
and steady wins the race, dear reader. You are the tortoise to the
promiscuous reader's distracted-at-any-turn hare. You buy a book, you
read it. You buy another, you read it. Perhaps you borrow a book at the
library. You read it, and then you return it, and you get another, which
you will read. You may not remember where you began, what the first
book that kicked it all off was, and you likely have no idea where
you'll end, but the point is, you will go through each book methodically
and reasonably, until it is done. You might discard a book, but only if
there is very good cause, and it will bring you a sense of deep unease,
so you'll probably pick it back up and finish it anyway. You are very
good at puzzles, and the most reliable of all your friends.
Suggested chronological reads: It doesn't matter; you'll get to them all, eventually.
The Book-Buster. Is your home strewn with books
scattered about, this way and that, their pages turned, their covers
folded over, their backs broken and their limbs splayed out on either
side? You are a destroyer of books, but you love them so. Your spirit
book character is Lennie of
Of Mice and Men. You just want to
hug the books, squeeze them tighter and tighter, you adore them so much,
you really don't know you're hurting them. And then you've got a
paperback with a huge chunk pulled out of it, or a first edition that's
suddenly waterlogged from bath water. You take your books out into the
sun and their pages bleach away to nothing, but you keep them anyway,
because they are books and you love books.
Suggested book-buster reads: Whatever you like, but buy a Kindle.
Delayed Onset Reader #1. You are without a doubt a
book lover, and when you walk into a bookstore or any place books are
available, you can't help yourself, you buy one or many. When you get
home you put them aside, often reverently, as if they were art,
displaying them on a bookshelf or propping them up on your bedside
table, pages ready to meet your eyes as soon as you have the moment. But
you're very, very busy, and days, weeks, or months may go by before you
actually crack open one of these books. It's not for lack of trying!
When you finally do, you will be overjoyed by all the learning and
emotional depth and humor and writing quality that exists in this book
that's been sitting within reach all along, and you will be amazed that
you waited so long to ever open it.
Suggested delayed onset #1 suggestions: The Imperfectionists, by Tom Rachman;
The Princess Bride, by William Goldman;
Lolita by Nabokov;
Anne of Green Gables, by L.M. Montgomery.
Delayed Onset Reader #2. You are not a book lover. You
buy books so you can show them off. If you are wealthy, you may have a
mahogany-paneled library for expressly this purpose. Since you don't
waste time on books, we won't waste time discussing you, but if you ever
do pick up a book and read it and love it, you can consider yourself
cured.
Suggested delayed onset #2 suggestions: The Great Gatsby, Pride and Prejudice, The Hobbit, Gone With the Wind, A Wrinkle in Time, The Chronicles of Narnia.
The Bookophile.
More than reading, you just love books. Old ones, the way they smell,
the crinkles and yellowing of the pages; new ones, the way they smell,
too, the crispness, running your hands over a stack of them at the
bookstore. You like books rescued from the street as much as signed
first editions; you like drugstore paperbacks, you like hardcover new
releases, you like it all. You just like books. To you, they are an
object of beauty, and you would never, ever hurt them in any way.
Suggested bookophile reads: Anything you can get your hands on. God, that's gorgeous, isn't it?
The Anti-Reader. You are the book version of the
person who claims "I never watch TV! I don't even own one!" You never
read books, because you find them too long. You consider blog posts too
long, too, and are always penning comments that say "TLDR" to express
how short something can truly be and still be meaningful. Unfortunately,
you are the lady or man who doth protest too much, and you may instead
have some deep insecurity about reading that led you to this
book-flavorless existence. Pick up a book—a short one, say, start
small—and open it, and let your eyes just rest on it for a few quiet
moments. You may find yourself changed, because a life without reading
is a sad one indeed.
Suggested anti-reader books: To
get you started, try pop-up books, graphic novels, and comics as well as
something on topics you'd normally enjoy watching on TV.
The Cross-Under. You are a grown-up who reads Y.A. or
kids books, or a kid who reads adult books, and there is a place for you
in society, finally. Your existence acknowledged after so many years,
you no longer have to feel shame at your questionable reading habits but
can instead bask in the admiration of book blogs and feel a part of the
vanguard. You are not ruled by categories; you are a free thinker. When
you were in elementary school a librarian told you a book was "Too old
for you." You read it anyway, and there's been no going back.
Suggested cross-under reads: For kids, Dickens, Fitzgerald, Salinger, Vonnegut, Harper Lee.
For adults: Collins, Rowling,
Alexie,
Chbosky,
Lowry.
The Multi-Tasker. This is the nice way of saying you
are a promiscuous reader, but it's not that you don't finish reads.
Instead, you just have a sort of hippie reading way about you, free love
or some such. You might start the day out with a few pages from one
novelist, then read something entirely different on the subway, and when
you come home from work, another work as well. Your bedtime read, too,
might be different, and all in all, when you count up the books, you've
got quite a lot of irons in the fire all at the same time. Do you
confuse characters or plots? Do you give more attention to some books
than to others? Perhaps. The point is, you're not ready for a book
commitment just yet, and you're doing a brilliant job dating them all in
the meantime.
Suggested multi-tasking reads: Short story and essay collections, novellas.
The Sleepy Bedtime Reader. Do
you feel the only time you have to read is when you're about to go to
sleep? You tote your book into bed with you and it's so very comfortable
and the book is so deliciously good, but you cannot keep your eyes open
and end up waking up with a book on your face and your light still on
at 3 a.m.? Tell no one; if you are lucky, there is no one there to
witness your shame, save the characters with whom you are becoming quite
close.
Suggested sleepy bedtime reads: Whatever you like, just sit in a chair—unless you like falling asleep with a book on your face.
The Book Snob. You are hard to impress, Little Miss or
Mister. You only read books that are well reviewed by critics that you
have determined to be of the highest caliber. You would never stoop to
read something on a best-seller list, or something sold in a discount
department store, or something NOT GOOD. Paperbacks offend you; you only
touch hardcover—preferably, award-winning in some form or fashion.
Suggested book snob reads: Pulitzer nominees, even if no Pulitzer was awarded.
The Hopelessly Devoted. You stick to the authors you
like, and you read them, pretty much exclusively, whatever they write,
good or bad, regardless of reviews or the opinions of your friends or
family. Everyone knows what to get you for your birthday or holidays.
You are a true fan, and have been known to stand in line for a book
signing from your BWF (Best Writer Forever).
Suggested devoted reads: This really depends on you. For me, it's Betty Smith.
The Audiobook Listener. So,
ya like audiobooks? That's cool. There's a place for you, person whose
ears are essentially eyes. Not that we understand, exactly, but, hey,
different strokes for different folks. Probably, you own a car, or run
miles like that Olympian in the commercials.
Suggested listens: Anything the rest of us would look at.
The Conscientious Reader. It's nonfiction or nothing
for you, reader! It should have a purpose, too, and be meaningful. You
should learn something. There should be ideals! If it's just fun, you
can read it on the Internet, in your humble opinion. You like reporting,
true tales, and journalism. If it is fiction, make it by
Chinua Achebe. Also, you like libraries.
Suggested conscientious reads: Books by presidents; stuff about OccupyWall Street;
Unbroken, by Laura Hillenbrand.
The Critic. Yes, it is easier for you to hate than to
love, but when you love, you love deeply and in the most eloquent of
fashions. It's not a book if you don't discourse about it, and so,
discourse you shall! No one can stop you. You allude to metaphors and
figurative language and concepts and conceits and plot points in daily
conversations. You adore a spectacular conclusion as much as you do a
foreword and an afterword. But especially, you love something that you
can sink your teeth into and
discuss. But only with those of a similar intellectual bent. You find book clubs too "mainstream."
Suggested critic reads: Janet Malcolm's
The Journalist and the Murderer; anything by Haruki Murakami.
The Book Swagger. You're the one wandering around book
conventions with that acquisitive gleam in your eye and a pile of ARCs
in your tote bag. If it's free, you'll take it, and even if it's not,
you'll try to get it for free. Whether you read all this swag or not is
really of little consequence. It's not that you don't love books, you
do. But you also really, really love getting to see them before anybody
else. And for free!
Suggested book swag reads: Get thee to BEA.
The Easily Influenced Reader. If
someone says it, they must be right! You listen to everyone, from your
mom to Oprah to the members of your book club to Michiko Kakutani, and
you believe them all! There are so many books for you to read, you
better get started. Don't worry, you already know how to feel about the
books you will read—and if you don't, you can Google. You have hands.
You enjoy reading in group settings.
Suggested easily influenced reads: Cheryl Strayed's
Wild; Michael Chabon's
Telegraph Avenue; Caitlin Moran's
How to Be a Woman; Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. Just because a lot of people recommend them doesn't mean they're not great!
The All-the-Timer/Compulsive/Voracious/Anything Goes Reader. Wherever
you go, whatever you do, there's a book with you. It doesn't matter
what it is, really, so long as there are pages with words on them, or an
e-reader with words on it. We can't really suggested anything here
because you took it with you to the grocery store or subway or library
or laundromat or coffee shop, and you're standing in line or sitting
down and reading it
right now.
The Sharer. You
read something you like and you simply will not stop talking about it;
you tell everyone you know, and you will not give up until they read it
too. And then you want to talk about it. If you are one of these,
sometimes you loan people books, too, and that is a good quality. We
like you, book sharer. We really, really do. You're a giver, not a
taker.
Suggested sharables: Anything you read and
liked, obviously, but also stuff you don't like, because you might as
well pass it along to someone who might enjoy it more than you did.
The Re-Reader. You know what you like, and instead of
branching out and possibly finding something new that you don't like,
you focus on what you do. You read the same books over and over again,
returning to them as if they're old friends, which, pretty much, they
are. Your book-reading motto is, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Suggested re-readables: You probably already know, but try these.
The "It's Complicated" Reader. You are a combination
of many of these things and yet completely different, too. Each book
means a new type of reader exists in your soul; you refuse to be defined
or categorized. You are a freeform, wild, woolly entity. You do
whatever you want. You're probably a pisces. You're definitely a
reader.
Suggested "it's complicated" reads: We dare not to go there.
The Cat. You
creep around the house all day and sneak peeks at all those large,
paper things that your owner leaves lying about. Sometimes, if you're
lucky, your owner has left one open, and you lie on top of it and let
its smooth pages touch your whiskers. It is oddly comfortable, and
deeply satisfying, particularly if it's in a spot in the sun, where you
enjoy whiling away a whimsical afternoon. Your owner, who is an "It's
Complicated" Bookophile type, fancies that you're actually reading the
pages, but you're not. You're just lying on them. Humans are so weird.
Suggested cat reads: This one looks nice and flat.
Source:
The Atlantic Wire
